Grapefruit Jams

"Everybody knows that you break your neck to keep your chin up." -Copeland, Chin Up

It's another beautiful day, even though it is cold.  The sky is grey as most things are turning out to be.  All of it just seems to be this vast work of art, and I cannot get my mind around it all, and the mystery is that I never will.  No matter how hard I think on all these things, or how long, I never get my mind around it.  We're made to miss something.  Be it in the fabric of our thought process, or in the fabric of our lives, missing someone, or missing something, missing the idea, or missing the formula.  We end up missing one thing or another, but in truth, missing many things altogether.

In this fabric of our conscious and subconscious, we'll always be missing someone.  This is our state.  We are merely stuck in one place in time and space, yet our mind goes elsewhere, knowing we are not in that other place with this other person or that other person.  We are here, missing all the people we do not even know yet that we will come across in our future, however long that will be.  We don't always feel this weight of the people we've yet to meet, and yet to miss, but we will find them in our time, and miss them just as much.

Maybe we just take for granted everything we've ever had.  Maybe we aren't taking anything for granted, but are so overwhelmed with what we do have, we don't feel good enough to live with what we've been given.  

Maybe my life was never meant to be about me.  Maybe your life was never meant to be about you.

Maybe our lives were meant to be bigger than this bubble that surrounds us with our own thoughts about ourselves, and we're really meant ot get outside that bubble and love on others around us.

Maybe there is more to love than we think.  maybe our ideas of love are broken as we've been broken continually around every corner.  But maybe, this shattered vision of love is something we can throw out with the trash because it was never really love to begin with.  Maybe we can get outside ourselves and love others, and its really what we've ben looking for.  I don't know.  Maybe we're content, not looking for a single thing and our lives are already full and complete and we need no one else inside it because we are like a stone, strong and cold, and collecting dust, and sneezing because we have dust allergies and soon we will swell up like a balloon and because we needed no one else, there IS no one else to take us to the emergency room, and there we will lie, colder than we were before with no one to find us...cold.

At any rate, we can still love, and stop being selfish brats about our existence.

Grapefruit makes the day better, too.

Unless you're allergic to grapefruit....

Reality Check

I'm no better than anyone else.

We are all the same.

In 1984, we'd find that this is the lower classes chant and phrase.

Regina tells us, "People are just people"

And they are just like you,

And we all are just people,

No better, no worse,

Yet we rank and judge and curse,

Our neighbors flesh,

The riotous breed

To conquer, we must conquer something,

To be someone,

To merely be.

But we conquer everything else,

Because the hardest task is ourselves,

To conquer and to know our hearts

That we've ripped out

Dust collected on the shelves.

You are not better than me,

But I need to remind myself,

I'm not better than you.

We always find a reason,

To claim kingship of what everyone else can do,

And to make ourselves better in some way,

We play these games.

But reality, stop nagging me,

Check to see if we're still flesh,

Still blood, still bone,

Still beating, still warm,

Still thinking, still breathing,

Still dreaming,

Always dreaming, crafting,

Being selfish, giving,

We are still people,

In need of love...

An abused word, as we are abused.