Spoken Word. Word.

"Even the relationships that are seemingly dead affect us still. So I'm learning and my heart is brimming. I'm taking my time."
-Calista Pratt


I'm taking my time, even though I don't want to. My heart is brimming like the coffee that brimmed over and splattered my hands today. Overflowing to a degree.


There are new relationships that are affecting me now. I think I know how this works between us, but as days pass and new situations arise, I find my emotional state frazzled and frayed at your face, and your words, and the color of you. I still get lost in your eyes - the reflecting gaze and mannerisms that catch me off guard. I see so much of myself in you and I don't know how to sit still when I feel the weight of our pairing.


Our relationship was dead for years, and yet here we are, celebrating a year of spoken word to one another.
We know more and less than we ever have before and some days, we do not know how to take it.
How do we shake the dead things off and collect the good memories like marbles for our marble jar?


Not a lot of people have marbles anymore.
Maybe we all lost them.






This coffee is dark.
Maybe I will stir in these thoughts for awhile, making note of
Psalm 131
"O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high. I do not occupy myself with things too great for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time forth and forevermore."

To calm and quiet your soul like a child weaned from its mother. A child that is quiet and does not whine and beg and scream when things don't go their way while riding in the cart through the grocery store. A child that is quiet and patient, following mom while she gets things the family needs.

Scribblets

I had a dream last night that I can't really begin to understand. It had to do with wolves and lions. People were dying. This whole thing was not pleasant to say the least.

I do feel confused about a lot of things.

I'm confused about my job. I'm confused about getting another one. I'm confused about school. I'm confused about what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'm confused about what I want to do in the next few days. I'm just puzzled.

Is puzzled, confused?

No. Puzzled makes me think of putting pieces in place. Confused is like, there isn't even a color...its more like, figuring out the right shade for a painting or something. I miss painting.

And I need to do more of that, SOON.

I have songs I need to get recorded.

I have accompaniment I need to make for a class./

I have 2 projects in one class of the mixing music sort, and another large project (that might end up overlapping belongs to music tech class.) I really want to learn more about music tech.

AND. I want to declare a major but I'm not sure if PROMUSIC is what I want to do. Maybe something like Coloring. Oh, wait. I left that at the last few schools I transferred from. I enjoyed telling people that coloring was my major.

Scribblets.