confound.ed.

"Set up markers for yourself;
make yourself guideposts;
consider well the highway,
the road by which you went.
Return, O virgin Israel,
return to these your cities.
How long will you waver,
O faithless daughter?
For the LORD has created a new thing on the earth:
a woman encircles a man."

Jeremiah 31:21-22



have faith.  this is something we cannot muster up on our own.  i've tried to muster up faith within myself, and rely on myself in such a way as if i could bring myself peace.  in this subconscious futile attempt my heart was overgrown with weeds and things no one ever would plant.  these things that grew were choking out the fruit and choking out the light, and stealing the nourishment the roots needed to flourish.

a season of pruning that this plant might bear even more fruit in the days to come.  may these fields of fruit bear much in the days ahead, and may the weeds be torn out and burned on a brush fire.  may a new day come out of the ground with the promise and hope it has always had and may my heart rejoice because His great love for us never changes.  nothing i can do or say can or will change his mind towards his love for me and for anyone else for that matter.
this unconditional nature confounds me, and i've been in a season of not believing it.

of course.
i am wrong in this thinking that my performance, my acceptance, my completeness comes from anything but him.  even expectations i think he has for me, those are really my expectations i set on myself and when i fail at meeting 'my' expectations, there are these driving thoughts of not being good enough for God, and in turn, not being good enough for anyone i know.
i get angry at the lack of acceptance, even though its something i don't need to worry about.  i don't need to live in insecurity anymore because he loves, and because i'm reconnected with God because of Christ.  the broken relationship that happened at the fall of man has ended in me because Christ now lives within me bridging the gap and forgiving me once for past present and future.

weird.