All that and a bag of Spinach Leaves.

Praise God for friends. The people that are there to lift us up in prayer, to speak truth into our lives when all we're doing is believing lies.
I like to believe lies more often than not because sometimes, the reality of my own weakness makes me sick. I want to be super strong and be able to handle things on my own. I find myself falling captive to thinking that I am better than other people, thinking I am worth more, thinking straight out of the dungeon of pride that seems to enslave me. I get so lost within myself, within my thoughts, my dreams, things I'm hearing, things I'm seeing, that I have a hard time to just, be.

We know we are not meant to just, exist...but the real troubles fall into what we are supposed to do instead of MERELY exist. I find myself merely existing all too frequently, even when I believe I am at the center of God's will. Is this me making a harder time for myself? Maybe. But maybe I'm not yielding to God in such a way that I can surrender, submit, and grow into something more that he is calling me to be, instead of trying to impress people with this something that I am, that I frequently think I brought myself to be. All the flawed parts, yes, I brought those to the table, but I would not be anywhere without the grace of God.

It is hard to be obedient.
It is hard to stay in the same place and not run.
Running is a thing I'm so good at.
My heart is aching to get out,
Because circumstances before my first breath wanted to run out,
And indeed, they ran.
Why shouldn't I run then,
When things get hard, and seasons change?
Why shouldn't I run?
Am I believing that the grass is greener,
Or that the lemons are more yellow?
Do I believe the bitterness will recede when I am no longer in this spot for more than a minute?
Will I find my answers?
Will my answers be revealed to me?
Did I stop fighting a long time ago?
When did mysticism become the reality
Is it reality.
To stay in these spots.
To wear these spots.
To be.
Not to be.
Existing.
Merely.
Purely?
Purity was never the question or answer.