Silently noting what we share and what we don't as moments pass that I would not trade.
Its like I want you to know everything about me.
I want to be selfish with our time.
I want you to know everything.
As much as I've hidden about myself
As much as I've not known,
As much as I've wanted to blurt out everything about me,
I want to be selfish in the time we've only begun to have.
I want to be selfish and take the time until I've had enough.
I've been a user.
A selfish breed because I've wanted.
And at some points I've wanted in vain.
I've made myself to expect nothing.
I expected nothing.
And now I don't know what to do,
Don't know how to get a hold of myself.
As you puff on your cigarette,
Puffing away your thoughts like pieces of trash on the floor,
Only to be thrown away later.
Too clouded to think past the next few hours,
Maybe even the next few moments,
All the while, aching while I'm away
Because I want to steal you away and know everything about you.
The lack of your presence has ben too long.
Even in the distance, I understand a few things,
It blows my mind, and I see your eyes,
And I know too many thoughts,
Wondering about the ones I don't know.
Another long drag, and another flood of memories.
Our present and past seem to swirl all too fast.
The smoke filling my lungs was the only constant,
And in some ways, the disappearing smoke still is.
In the lack of knowing myself, I am sad I changed my hair color
Because I want you to know the real me.
Not any type of projection.
The scariest part is that in far too many ways, you know me
better than I do.
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